


the moonlight shows us what we really are

by saturnhoshi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crying, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Soonhoon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:08:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24701341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnhoshi/pseuds/saturnhoshi
Summary: During the day, Soonyoung smiles a lot, he dances, he laughs, he shines and competes with the sun. However, during the night, he finds himself longing for light and yearning for heat, scared as he feels his deepest demons invading his lungs.Thankfully, Jihoon is always there.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	the moonlight shows us what we really are

Soonyoung is not a monster. He’s not a werewolf, a vampire, not even a ghost, even though sometimes he does feel like one – he often wonders if his absence would ever be noticed. Well, although Soonyoung isn’t any kind of strange creature coming from famous myths and stories, it’s true that Jihoon loves calling him an angel. And if it’s the only pet name his lover accepted to use without feeling embarrassed, Soonyoung loves it anyway.

Hence, he’s nothing but a mere human, hiding his strongest demons in the deepest parts of him. His fears, his insecurities, his worst nightmares – he hides it all. The fear of being left out, being abandoned by his family, his friends, Jihoon – god, especially him, Soonyoung wouldn’t be able to handle it. It’s a simple, constant thought in his mind, continually eating him from the inside, consuming his flesh, drinking his blood, ripping his bones: “I’m not enough. I will never be”.

“Jihoon doesn’t need me. He’s better off without me. He must be tired of me. Why am I doing this to him? He deserves better than the mess that I am.”

During the day, Soonyoung is bright and dazzling. Jihoon always tells him his blond hair is only the reflection of the halo above his head. During the day, Soonyoung smiles a lot, he dances, he laughs, and he shines and competes with the sun.

“You look pretty when you smile”, he hears Jihoon say. Soonyoung smiles brighter after that. He’s standing on their balcony, admiring the sky and its wonders, the small rays of sunshine, the clouds pushed by the wind, the moon peaking through the daylight. “You seem to gaze at the sky a lot.”

  
Soonyoung turns to look at his lover. Jihoon’s red hair is lightened by the sun and his pale skin looks warmer under the sunlight. He’s wearing a plain black t-shirt which is probably inviting the entire sun to him – he must be feeling hot. Jihoon is right, Soonyoung does stare quite often at the sky – especially when it’s sunny outside. After all, the sunnier skies hold sadder people, right?

“It’s comforting”, Soonyoung answers and Jihoon hums. They stay like that in silence for a while, before Jihoon drags Soonyoung inside their apartment, remembering they might catch sunburn if they stay too long. They successfully catch a glimpse of the sunset before entering their home and once the warmness of the sun leaves Soonyoung’s skin, he feels extremely cold. Light disappeared from his sight and darkness made its entrance through his body.

  
Sitting on their bed, he peeks at the window and catches the moon trailing after the sun. He stares at the full, golden and glittering moon, lightening the awfully black sky. He stares and stares and keeps staring, feeling enveloped by darkness and longing for light, yearning for heat. Soonyoung looks at his lover, already asleep and carefully crawled under the blanket.

Monstrous thoughts make their comeback through Soonyoung’s brain and he’s starting to shake. “Jihoon is there, he’s not leaving, and everything is fine. He’s not abandoning you –“, is he? Despite the efforts Soonyoung made to not fall down under his deepest demons, once again, it was pointless. It’s the same story, it never changes, and Soonyoung will never change. He will never be strong enough to beat them. He feels himself shake harder.

The only rays of light in the room come from the moonlight, and it’s not enough to comfort Soonyoung. He doesn’t want to wake Jihoon up but he can feel it – the anxiety pouring through his body, slowly and painfully crushing his lungs. He’s in pain and he can’t breathe, and while the soft light is disappearing from his sight, the obscurity is invading the room.

Soonyoung finds himself breathing loudly, his heart is beating fast, almost threatening to come out of its rib cage, and his anxiety is disguised as a cold dagger pressed against his throat. He feels something moving next to him, but he can’t see anything, can’t hear anything, he just feels, feels and feels. He wants to stop feeling.

  
And strong grip on his shoulders is the next thing he feels, slowly coming back to reality, still heavily breathing and in pain. There was no need for his eyes to search for the belonging of the hands on his shoulders, because Soonyoung knew it was Jihoon. Even though he still couldn’t see him, couldn’t hear him, Soonyoung sensed his lover’s presence and bit by bit, light appeared in front of him, and he quickly turned to stare at Jihoon, finally hearing him shouting his name.

“Soonyoung! Soonyoung, do you hear me?” Soonyoung breathes hard and he feels tears running down his face but he forces himself to nod. “Everything is fine, okay? You just need to match your breathing with mine, can you do that?”

Soonyoung cries harder and he hates showing his weak side but right now Jihoon needs him to be strong, therefore he does as he is told. At least, he tries. At first, it’s very difficult but he keeps eye contact with Jihoon, who’s looking at him with eyes piercing through his soul. And Soonyoung can see it, shimmering galaxies painted in Jihoon’s black pupils – and it’s brighter than all the sunny skies Soonyoung saw in his life. He feels his breathing calming down, and his body relaxing. He’s still crying but he soon finds himself enveloped in Jihoon’s embrace, his head pressed to his chest, feeling Jihoon’s hands carefully touching his hair, carefully going through the blond locks and leaving little kisses. Soonyoung melts in the embrace, hugging Jihoon so tight he might crash his lover’s body. But Jihoon’s hand movements don’t stop and he’s calm, saying comforting words even though he’s not particularly used to it.

Sooner than he realized, Soonyoung fell asleep, peaceful and very much in love.

During the night, Soonyoung is cloudy and dim. Jihoon has been telling him his recently dyed black hair contrasts with the halo above his head. During the night, Soonyoung is afraid, he’s frightened, but Jihoon makes him smile and laugh, and in the end, he shines and competes with the moon.

**Author's Note:**

> hellooo <3 i wrote this today and i think it's one of the pieces i preferred working on ? i just suddenly had the inspiration to write a soonhoon fic so i went with the flow and i like the result.
> 
> i know i always talk abt panic attacks or anxiety in my fics but it's a subject really close to me. i always feel like giving my characters this part of me and writing about it helps me acknowledge it. anyway i like the ending of this story so much !!! i enjoy connecting parts of the story so idk i kinda had a galaxy brain moment and i was like. what if u take this paragraph (middle of the chapter) and put it at the end but change things. then. boom. my favorite part of the story. soonyoung accepts his demons and jihoon helps him doing so. it's not perfect. soonyoung might not always be bright like the sun but it's okay because a part of him will always shine like the moon.
> 
> if you liked this story and if you have time, feel free to check my other published stories :) please be kind and respectful. also, let me know what you thought about this by commenting or leaving kudos. comments are always appreciated, they always make my day better <3 a big thank you to whoever always leaves comments on my stories. 
> 
> please have a good day or a sweet night 
> 
> ps: english is not my first language :)


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